It's been a while, hasn't it? It has been a whirlwind of emotions and ups and down. You were supposed to be out already, the 10th was our first date, remember? Well, that didn't happen..
It was a couple days before the surgery was supposed to take place, I was already off work, FMLA/Short Term Disability already about to start, pre-op appointment done. I get a call around 10 from the doctors office. It wasn't a call I was expecting, so I answered it with some reserve. It was a short call, mostly filled with me stammering to figure out what I should say to " Tara, we have to change the date of the surgery, the doctor has too many surgeries as an emergency case came in. We'll have to move it to the 24th.".. I just was taken aback. I completely understood the need to change it, I honestly did. Someone's case was more pressing than mine, and I would much rather than them to go first... because, lets face the fact Larry, you're not leaving or moving anytime soon without some assistance from a highly trained medical staff. But, I was still a little crushed. I mean, I am totally not excited about surgery, but you get mentally prepared and ready for everything to happen, and when it gets changed it is like you have to start all over again. My aunt was about to come out and everything, work had already worked with me.. and...-- well, it was what it was. It was just draining emotionally.
But, here we are now. It is officially the day before surgery.. 12:37am as I write this sentence. I'm off work, dates have been changed, FMLA back on track, my Aunt is here making my house both physically and mentally better. I've done absolutely nothing but shuffle around the house in a state of indifference. I don't know how to feel. It is coming, no matter what I say or do. It is happening.
There is just so much I feel like I didn't get done, Prep things that I neglected because I didn't want to think about. I feel like I'm forgetting things. I feel like I didn't spend enough time with people. I just need more time. .. I just need this to be done. I just want to get this over. Ugh. Just.. ugh.
Well, I'm done bitching for now. I'll write more a tad bit later when I can concentrate better.
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